The Twelve Steps (I)
(Honesty)
Finally, it is time to embrace this readily available solution; no more trying to reinvent the wheel. History has is that, in the year 1938, the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith discovered, “a way to help alcoholics get sober that actually worked” -Cornerstone of Recovery, A.K.A., “the twelve steps”. This solution to addiction is something that has crossed my ears, and mind several times, but I never even tried to know. There was a part of me, that was so sure that I wouldn’t be able to relate. Today, I took the pain to find out what these twelve steps are all about — nothing extraordinary at all. Let’s take a look at the first out of these twelve steps:
Step One: HONESTY.
This alone made me know that I had only played myself, not bothering to know the twelve steps earlier. Honesty is a virtue that is without a doubt freeing to humans.
John 8:32, “and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Honesty is also common knowledge; it’s not a virtue like self-compassion, that I only got to know about quite recently. However there are two types of honesty: the one we give to others, and the one we give to ourselves. They should go hand in hand, but I know from personal experience that the second type of honesty is not so common. I believe it is rare because it is more of a disease than a conscious choice — A.K.A., delusion. When one is delusional, they might swear that addiction has nothing on them, while they constantly stew in struggles; letting themselves down every time. Number One is the perfect spot for this step of Honesty. I get it now; it needs to come before any change could even be considered. For,
“you can’t be healed in the same environment, you got sick” -Eric Mesiano
Let us take the “environment” in this quote as a symbolism, for the wrong conditions that thrived, enough to allow addiction to take over, in the first place. Bringing it home, it was dishonesty/delusion that sparked my addiction to marijuana in the first place.
“It’s been five years since her first smoke. That evening at the beach, where she took her first puff ever, she told herself, “This habit is surely going to end before the year ends.” -Excerpt from the book, “Her Diary of Sobriety”, by Morning Khat
It was delusion that kept convincing me even after, two, three, four years, that I was smoking by choice, and I really could quit whenever I had had it. Turns out, although I have written a book on sobriety and recovery, I’m a very beginner at this. It was not a light achievement, quitting for months, based on frustrations that evolved into self-determination. However, that foundation on which I built my sobriety, was simply not strong enough to keep me going, when I was no longer feeling frustrated.
Now it’s clear for me to see that appreciating and embracing honesty in recovery alone, is an endeavor that demands series of books, podcasts, articles etc. You might think you are always true to yourself, until your own life’s choices prove to you that, you’re not.
It’s day three of sobriety for me, and day two of honest blogging about my recovery; a good time for this particular lesson, and perfectly aligned to this point in my life. I hope that this is as true as the multitudes of people it has worked for, say it is. Therefore the old foundation of self-determination, that sprang out of frustrations, is demolished now. The new foundation on which I build my sobriety is this seven letter word, ‘Honesty.’
I admit it is challenging. Left alone with no one to account to, and a bag of weed, I will struggle to overcome that temptation. I admit that I am an addict. Just by admitting this, my heart tightened in my chest, and several counter-thoughts rushed into my mind simultaneously, but I let go of all justifications, and thoughts that seek to make me feel like I’m exaggerating. If I wasn’t an addict, I wouldn’t have gone to unsafe places, at ungodly hours, with unsafe people, when everything in me screamed, “Nooo! is this really worth it?”
I’m not addicted to video games, so when I found that one game, on which I was “hooked”, it did not take years of struggle to let it go, when it begun to serve as a timewaster. It is not the same with marijuana; I watched my eyes change from white to red, my teeth discoloring, my skin drying up, my unwashed clothes pile up, short-term memory loss manifesting… yet I still paid an extra price, just to have it with me, in order not to freak out. That right there, is addiction in capital letters.
Thank you Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith for accepting the call of God, which is now helping me too. Today, I admit with no confusion or apologies, I am and addict on a sober Journey, so help me God.
Curious or interested in my book? Find the link right below this text:
https://www.amazon.com/HER-DIARY-SOBRIETY-Journey-Recovering-ebook/dp/B08VNSS5FP
