Nineteen Years Back in Time, with a New pair of Eyes.
(Three treasures I Found on the Road to Recovery)
Hello, I’m Valerie, a recovering procrastinator. Nineteen years ago, I was the exact opposite; a diligent girl — the pride of my parents. At this point in my Recovery, it’s clear to see the reason I fell so far from a diligent person to a chronic procrastinator: Pre-nine-year-old-me was diligent because it guaranteed both short and mid-term benefits — excel in school, and receive gifts and prices. When those benefits begun to mean nothing, diligence also begun to mean nothing. Recovering-me however, knows that even in the absence of any immediate benefits, practicing diligence brings me closer to my best-self — in the absence of immediate benefits, diligence still means a lot.
From the Oxford dictionary, procrastination is, “the action of delaying or postponing something.” This does not have to be a bad thing; it may even be a prudent action to take at certain times. For those who cannot relate to chronic procrastination, it must be a strange thing, that multitudes of people suffer from such a seemingly frivolous disease. A disease that causes people to be unable to execute plans, even when no physical obstacle stands in the way. However, one thing I’m sure of is that, with enough practice, it can happen to anyone. Procrastination was a constant internal battle, I’m grateful to now be recovering from daily.
Trying to escape the habit of procrastination that had been solidified by years of practice, has been one of the most difficult pursuits of my life. Certain self-help books served as catalysts for the mental shift I needed to take action. Those books include: the power of self-discipline and the power of self-confidence by Brain Tracy, Ego is the enemy by Ryan Holiday, Atomic habits by James Clear, and the six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden. Reading these books with a heart that genuinely wants to learn and unlearn, granted me the head-start I needed to transition into the zone of action-taking.
Aside the self-help books, I also discovered certain treasures on the road to recovery; priceless seeds planted in my mind, that now serve as resistance against my tendency to procrastinate:
(the three treasures found on the road to recover)
1. Procrastination is fear.
Most often, when we procrastinate, we substitute an important activity for a less important one. For instance, we may want write a book, and we find ourselves with time on our hands, yet we end up watching a movie. Normally humans are moved in the direction of best value. The academic field of economics puts it best:
“…that human beings are, by nature, utility-maximizing agents…”-www.investopeida.com.
Using the two activities in the example above: writing a book, and watching a movie — watching a movie most likely will be a source of entertainment and relaxation in the moment, but writing the book might be the beginning of a life-changing career. The difference between the two activities is certainty. If the certainty of having a life-changing career, spring out of the action of writing a book, was as guaranteed as that of having entertainment and relaxation from watching a movie, I dare say, even the chronic procrastinator will go for the activity that will bring the best value. I say procrastination is fear because, it is the uncertainty and fear of wasting time doing something less pleasurable, which might not even lead to the desired results, that paralyses us; keeps us thinking several thoughts simultaneously, untill we end up exchanging our real pearls for fake ones.
I found a spiritual solution to procrastination. It is to focus on the spirit and not on the letter.
“2Corinthians 3:6 — for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”
That was quite vague, and I explain with the instance from earlier: the spirit of watching a movie is becoming entertained, relaxed etc.; the letter of watching a movie is the physical act of watching the movie. The spirit of writing a book, is becoming a writer — a giver of value to readers, and a person who is taking steps towards achieving their life’s goals; the letter of writing a book is the physical act of writing, researching etc.
Hopefully, the principle stands out here: the spirit of an activity is found in the reasons why we do said activity, and what we become when we do it. The letter of an activity is simply the physical act of doing the activity; what it takes to execute the activity in the moment. Focusing on the spirit usually makes procrastination look like the less-desirable choice it often is, because from this perspective, what will be sacrificed for procrastination is usually not worth sacrificing.
2. Do nothing Instead.
I learned this from medium writer, Sean Kernan, in his article, “You Aren’t Lazy. You Are Overstimulated.” and it makes massive sense. Getting bored while procrastinating, doing nothing, and instead telling myself, “my next action will be what I’m supposed to do or nothing at all” helps. By doing this, I watch boredom push me to take action. Sometimes, we rather do other unnecessary things instead of exactly what we intend to do, as a self-deceptive way of still procrastinating, while convincing a very naïve side of ourselves that, at least we did something.
“They are not only idle who do nothing, but they are who might be better employed” -Socrates
3. “Know thyself.” — Socrates.
Finding this treasure was immensely freeing. I realized one of my reasons for procrastination was, how uninterested I truly was in an activity on my to-do-list. Meanwhile, I had probably convinced myself that I liked said activity. Self-discovery uncovered the reason behind my delusion. It is easy to confuse our true abilities with aspirations, we do not yet have the ability to execute. It is human to admire qualities in others, then fantasize about having those qualities too. However when being completely honest with ourselves, we know exactly when we enjoy executing a task, and when it feels like we are pulling our hairs out.
A typical example of this is seen with reading; many people would love to be readers, but few are readers. I used to go through frustration, while procrastinating on reading a book, to the point where I begun to question my abilities all together. It took self-awareness to admit that, as humans, we do not like things we want to like, but that we simply like what we like. Yes, it will be cool to complete book after book, and be bursting with knowledge and vocabulary, but the question I honestly had to answer was, “could I stand keeping my focus on word after word, for minutes or hours unending?”
After nineteen years of backsliding from my studious ways, I simply had to be humble, and start afresh. I wanted to become an avid reader but just was not. Therefore I had to begin again with the baby steps. It was better to practice reading a page a day, and maintain the momentum for days, than to read a chapter or a book in one day, then feel so frustrated or accomplished to the point, where I only came back to touch a book again, in 6 months. Hopefully, the principle stands out here as well: Being true to myself; knowing my strengths and weaknesses and moving accordingly, is one key that unlocks the door to diligence.
Going back in time to the diligence of my pre-nine-year-old-self has taken many battles, and mental shifts. It is far from easy, journeying on the road to recovery — especially because the daily journey itself, is the destination. There are days, I fall flat on my face, but these treasures I have found along the road strengthen me. On certain days also, I have needed assistance from outside myself, and the words of pacesetters like Lisa Nichols echoed in my mind:
The worst thing you can do is know something and live like you don’t. That’s robbery.
