Eyes on the Milestones
(10 days clean and sober)
The longest sober streak I’ve achieved since I started trying has been, give and take, eight months. Although day one was celebrated, familiarity set in along the way. Gradually, I was loosing sight of the value of my sobriety — begun seeing myself as a sober person, instead of a recovering addict on a sober journey. It’s still clear as daylight in my memories, how I relapsed.
Being home-alone was the trigger, and I remember how the responsible side of me kept disapproving: ‘you don’t have to this, don’t call him, just stay in the moment, doing it once can turn into months…’ However, the complacent side of me, managed to convince her that, ‘I needed this’. That was how eight months of sobriety turned into about four months of relapse.
Sobriety does change a person. During those eight months, my looks had improved, my mood and outlook on life, was more optimistic, and I was coming out of the net of anti-social behavior; answering calls, replying messages, meeting up with my friends, and generally making efforts at living my life, instead of escaping.
This is the scary thing about addiction: We may know all the damages it causes, and know for sure that, we will get worse if we continue the habit. We may also know how sobriety alone, can correct a lot of those damages, and help us become our best selves. Yet, we may still fall for the addiction, for reasons so flimsy, no one but a fellow addict, or a mental health professional would understand.
I find myself blessed, to have another opportunity to live sober, and increase my chances of becoming my greatest version. One lesson, I have taken from this past relapse is that, my eyes should not go off the milestones. Every now and then, it will help to pause and consider the milestone, I stand on. Today is my ten-day milestone, and I have celebrated by resting, reading and letting every other issue take a backseat for the day.
I could have been lying in my bathtub, with a blunt in my hand; I could have been disturbing my soul, hanging out with people who made me so uncomfortable, it was impossible to spend long periods with them, without some form of escape from reality. I could have been self-sabotaging through procrastination and the effects of the rising guilt-monster. However, I have persevered for ten days in a row and still have a life-time to go. This deserves something special to mark the occasion. It deserves to be the focus of this particular day.
Note to self: Thank you for taking care of us, these past ten days. Thank you for fighting the tempting thoughts, and showing up for us!
Celebrating and looking forward to the milestones, comes with a fresh day-one-like motivation. Motivation, not only to keep going, but to keep spreading the light too. I’ve been illuminated by the light of others on this recovery journey; not only those winning, but even those who seem to be failing, have also taught me a lot. This is why I will not keep all I’m learning to myself. This might save someone from a relapse, and it is my pleasure to help.
Hopefully, my next milestone will be in another ten days. Wish me well.
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed my writing, you may consider supporting my journey with a purchase of my debut book, in the link down below. Stay Blessed!
